so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
