And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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