i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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