i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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