he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
