Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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