I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
