Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
