Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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