someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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