Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
