everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
