Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
