I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
