does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
