she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
