she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You dont lie about slip and slides
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
