why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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