I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
