my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
