You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
