haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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