you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
