It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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