Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
