wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
