I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just blew my weed a kiss
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
