Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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