the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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