he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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