These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
