have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
