The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
