glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
