Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
