just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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