He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
