Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
