im gay
i know
yea but for you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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