fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
