Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
