Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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