jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
