I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
