Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
