Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
