I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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