I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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