I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
