Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I could make wine with my vomit
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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