Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
