The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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