Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
