apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
