he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
