I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize
