I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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