So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
