she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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