a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
