If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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