i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
