So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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