spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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