I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
