My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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