rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
do herpes really smell.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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