Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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