I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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