just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
