Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
