I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
