and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
