You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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