it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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