she was so not down for the gang bang
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
