He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
