Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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