I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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