porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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