Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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